Valerie Evelyn Antonelis-Lapp
March 7, 1952 – September 9, 2024
Born in Ventura, California March 7, 1952, Valerie’s first loves were her mother Vicki, her father George Antonelis, and her older brother, Bud. Love of the ocean followed soon after. She forever treasured childhood beachside memories of bodysurfing and mat surfing with friends. Other favorite SoCal memories were fishing off the pier, the family backyard pool and barbecue house, Johnny’s Taco Stand, seeing the Beatles live at the Hollywood Bowl, and Jimi Hendrix at the Ventura County Fair.
In 1977, Valerie bravely moved—solo—to the Pacific Northwest to be closer to her mother and continue her studies at Western Washington University in Bellingham.
Shortly after fall term started, she noticed a tallish, lean fellow in a cowboy hat who seemed to pop up wherever she was—in the bookstore, in line at the deli, or walking across campus. Much to her chagrin, Cowboy Hat enrolled in one of her classes, Interpersonal Communications. When the professor instructed the class to pair up for an exercise, none other than Cowboy Hat instantly appeared at her side. “Now I want one of you to make a fist,” said the professor, “and see if the other person can get you to open your fist.” “All right, you S.O.B.,” thought Valerie, “just try to open it,” as she braced for a struggle. But there was no struggle. Cowboy Hat simply asked, “Will you open your fist for me?” And so began Valerie and Jeff’s 47-year journey.
Valerie completed her bachelor’s degree at Western and later a Master of Library Science degree at the University of Washington.
Rearing children marked the 80s and 90s with Dimitri in 1984 and Beau, 1987. Summers were memorable, the family often spending a month or more in the backcountry, with Valerie cooking and managing kitchen operations while Jeff supervised trail crews.
Other summertime adventures included birdwatching trips over the entire contiguous U.S., allowing her to become a proficient if not all-that-confident birder.
During that time, Valerie served as the children’s librarian in Enumclaw for 8 years. She then transitioned to Parent Education at Green River College, where she taught and supported Co-Op Preschools.
Little-known facts about Valerie are that she was an amateur paremiographer (proverb collector) who amassed hundreds of pithy sayings over 50 years. If something had been cut out of a magazine or newspaper, it was Valerie’s handiwork. She was also a practitioner of Vipassana meditation for over 45 years and occasionally attended 10-day silent retreats.
But the heartbeat of her spiritual life was as an active member of the Al-Anon Family Groups for over half her life, during which she touched countless lives. Whether being sponsored, serving as a sponsor or as a fellow traveler trudging “the road of happy destiny,” Valerie personified the spiritual principles of the Al-Anon program. Friends and family remember her frequent use of program phrases such as “more will be revealed” and “this too shall pass,” as well as those she coined, including “tiny baby ant steps,” “just humans being human,” “right living,” and “I’m in recovery for that.”
In 2017, Valerie began having problems finding the right word when speaking. This progressed until 2021 when she was diagnosed with Primary Progressive Aphasia, a rare form of dementia. Never afraid of dying, of death she had long said, “Well, it’s going to be something.” And in meeting her diagnosis, while she could still speak, she’d say, “Why me? Why not me?” She continued to rely on her spiritual practice for the duration of the disease.
Besides her husband Jeff and children Dimitri (Victoria) and Beau, Valerie is survived by her brother Bud (Deb), sister Tori (Claudio), nephews Troy (Brandi), Kyle (Abby), Tristan (Kaelynn), niece Tabitha, cousins, great-nieces and great-nephews, and innumerable 12-Step friends and family.
A memorial service was held Saturday, December 28 at 11 am at the Prairie Ridge Community Center, 14205 215th Avenue East, in Bonney Lake.
Instead of flowers or donations, remembrances can be made by taking a hike with Valerie in mind or planting a tree in a location of the donor’s choice.